I had this glorious image of what it would be like to have a baby. Well, my experience was far, far away from what I had imagined. My son cried and cried and cried all night long. I can remember holding him and walking around his room in circles as he cried. Nothing I could do would help. My son had colic. But what was worse was the thought that would go through my head while he cried. I would think about what I could do to him or myself to make it all stop. I knew I would never do anything but it was so clear in my mind. I didn’t want to hold him, feed him, or even look at him sometimes. I didn’t realize it at first but I had postpartum depression. I didn’t get any help or ask for it because I was ashamed. I felt like I was failing as a mother and maybe it just wasn’t for me. My husband and mother could see something was wrong. I did end up getting help and with a little medication I did eventually get through it. I have since had another baby and with the start of medication early I never experience what I did the first time to its severity.
I am so happy to have two beautiful children. If you ever have any feeling like I had make sure to let your doctor immediately. Don’t wait and don’t be ashamed.
Guest Blog Post Submitted by: Lisa-Marie, NY